Life, Liberty, and Pursuit of the Double Down

If you don't know about KFC's Double Down by now you must be living in a cave or in Berkeley or something.  You've certainly never lived in a red state, and by red state I mean Republican even though I think it should mean communist.  The Double Down-- a masterpiece from the Colonel-- consists of two pieces of bacon and two pieces of pepper jack and Monterey Jack cheese sandwiched between two pieces of chicken.  As the official ad states, "this product (?) is so meaty, there's no room for a bun!"

First of all, who advertises their ultimate comfort food as "product"?  Second of all, who says there's no room for a bun?  I beg to differ, and I will return to my plan to foil their bunless sandwich later.

But I was traveling back from Wyoming to Nebraska when my search for a Double Down began.  I figured I should stop at the first KFC I found, since I might love it so much that I need another one down the road.  I was first confounded in Kearney, Nebraska, where the Taco Bell does not include a KFC. At my next stop in Grand Island, I found that the nearest KFC was ten miles down the road, so I just stopped at Bosselman's Travel Plaza (see early January blog on this topic) to inspect and determine if they'd made any of the changes I requested.  I felt a bit depressed when I learned that the aliens were still present and Little Caesar was still not hot and ready. 

So I pressed on to York, Nebraska, where a Taco Bell/KFC sign loomed large on the interstate.  Seeing a storm up ahead, I knew that I was destined to taste the savory Double Down within minutes.  I pulled in to see an open sign at 9:05.  I jumped out and tried the door, slobbering a bit on the door as I thought about the prize (or two) awaiting me inside.  The door was locked. I tried the other door.  I tried the employee entrance and I'm pretty sure they were about to summon the local immigration authorities (I was rocking a pretty out-of-control beard) when I saw the sign stipulated that ONLY Taco Bell was open.  I lost it, then counted to three to calm down, then lost it again.  My car nearly filled with tears. 

But this sad incident only steeled my resolve to dominate a Double Down sandwich.  It's only 500 calories so I think that I need to add something to it.  Right now, this is my working recipe (see blog entry "recipes for a new millenium" for more similar ideas:

Double Down 9000
1 Double Down Sandwich, Original Recipe
2 KFC Biscuits
1 Double Whopper with Cheese
2 Eggs
3 Mozzarella Sticks
1 Avocado
Whole Lotta Mayo (Light Mayo only)
Pickles (optional)
BBQ sauce (optional)

1.  Seperate Double Whopper into top and bottom halves.
2.  Cook eggs over easy.
3.  Place Eggs, Mozzarella Sticks, Avocado, and entire Double Down sandwich on lower half of Whopper.
4.  Remove Whopper buns and replace with biscuits, or simply put the biscuits outside the bun.
5.  Add Mayo and Pickles to taste.
6.  Dip in BBQ sauce and enjoy it.
7.  No one lives forever but this may hasten the end.
8.  If you doubt that I will really do this check back after the weekend for pictures.

Recipe Ideas for a Moderately New Millenium

Disclaimer: None of these recipes are moderately healthy. They may cause health problems in the short and/or long terms. Not recommended for small children, people with heart problems, or high blood pressure. Also, I shall give credit to sous chef/co-author Katherine Orr (Harvard '04) for some of the ideas in this article. The essence, however, remains mine.

Chicken Fried Steak and Mashed Potato-Corn-Bacon-New England Clam Chowder
1. Obtain Chicken Fried Steak (CFS heretofore)
2. Cover in mashed potatoes. Sprinkle corn atop.
3. Take bacon from a local salad bar and mix with New England Clam Chowder. Douse the CFS with this mixture.
4. Enjoy!
(Optionally, you can substiture macaroni and cheese for the potato layer.)

Very Berry Fruity Pebbles A La Mode Numero Uno
1. Pour Fruity Pebbles in a medium-sized bowl.
2. Cover in rasberry/blueberry mixture.
3. Single scoop vanilla ice cream, or berry-flavored vanilla-based ice cream.
4. Top with favorite ice cream toppings.
5. Enjoy! Can be shared with a friend.

Teriyaki Taco
1. Nuke Chinese food reftovers (I use broccori beef but anything is fine-- try mu shu pork also!) and place in flour tortirra.
2. Nuke mexican food leftovers (can substitute canned beans and rice and veggies) and place atop Chinese food in tortilla.
3. Nuke entire mixture with lots of shredded cheese and cajun seasoning (I suggest Tony Chachere's).
4. Enjoy!

Peanut Butter and Bacon, Egg, Cheese and Jelly Sandwich
1. Make bacon and egg over medium while toasting bread (white or wheat). Top bacon and egg with slice of American or cheddar or Monterey Jack cheese.
2. Slather bread with peanut butter and jelly.
3. Add banana if you're feeling crazy.
4. Make a sandwich or it and enjoy!

Sushi Leftovers and Eggs
Most people don't take their leftover sushi home, but this recipe can be a real winner with sushi up to 36 hours old.
1. Place sushi in pan with sesame oil. Cook until warm and douse in soy sauce and wasabi.
2. Crack two eggs on top of the sushi and cook quickly. Chinese leftovers can be added if available.
3. Enjoy!

Also, some people marvel at my ability to make an ordinary dish better. Here are some simple tips for improving average food.
1. Add bacon
2. Add more bacon.
3. Add mayonnaise.
4. Add cheese.

If these tips don't work you should probably not eat it.