Wednesday, September 16, 2009

I admit defeat. Touche, bartendress.

You may have noticed that I haven't blogged about work in a few weeks, which is odd because it's pretty fertile ground for blog fodder. Well that's because I haven't been working. My place of employment closed Monday-Thursday for the winter season; evidently $50 in receipts at the bar every night just wasn't cutting it. So I had applied at another bar in town (the only bar in town open all night all winter) for employment, thinking it a sure thing. So here's the story that left me unemployed and eating canned pig's feet for my one meal a day.

Thinking that I was a shoo-in for the job, I initially applied through word-of-mouth when I learned that the former Tuesday-Wednesday bartender decided to return to school at Wyoming to study something nebulous called "Geographic Information Systems." I later learned that, far from being nebulous, this major only includes GPS and related topics, making it very useful indeed. But anyway, my application proceeded through the appropriate channels but stalled in the hiring committee due to concerns over the now-infamous "Mohammed Incident" or "rock incident" which is detailed in prior blogs. Evidently the rock lady is good friends with several members of the hiring committee and she still had (and has) it in for me; in fact, I've heard it's what keeps her awake at night (ed: scary).

So I filled out a formal "Application for Employment" detailing my sterling high school academic record, astounding standardized test scores, Harvard degree (with honors), and subsequent short-lived career as an internist. I also used my extensive bartending experience (almost ten full days of work) as a reference. I sensed success when only a couple other people applied for the position. But hear from them soon I did not. I overheard a discussion of the hiring committee later, which clued me into their discriminatory practices: "We need a girl to take over. She's pretty too."

To me this amounts to overtly discriminatory employmentary practices. It also subtly implied that I'm not pretty, which added insult to financial injury. I felt like I had a case for the Supreme Court of Wyoming, or perhaps the World. It hasn't happened yet, but my initial conversation with an employment lawyer will likely go something like this:

RetiredJK: "Hello, I've been denied employment because I'm a male."
Lawyer: "I'm sorry to hear that viciously discriminated against you have been (it took me quite awhile to figure out how to not end that sentence in a preposition). What happened? Billing hours start right now by the way."
RJK: "I was passed over for a job at a bar for a pretty girl."
Lawyer: "Clearly that's an exception to anti-discrimination laws. How many sea donkeys do you see getting hired at bars?"
RJK: "....But E stands for equality, and E. pluribus unum, and all that for which our forefathers worked to make this country great. Abe Lincoln (who's kind of a JK look-alike when he grows a mustache along with his beard) would want me to have this opportunity."

Lawyer: "E also stands for employed, which you are not, thank you for the call. Abe Lincoln was a staunch supporter of hot women working in bars also. That will be $49.50."

So finally, at the bar yesterday, a stranger entered; female she was, indeed. Pretty, also. I won't give an exact number but she ranks as an integer somewhere between six and eight. This made me feel much better, the idea that I could be jobless but still served drinks by a good-looking person. I can compromise on that. So my current plans are to wait out the winter here, snowboarding, tutoring for ACT's for cash, applying for psych residency, and plotting my revenge against the crazy rock lady.

If you find yourself in the Denver area, I'm only a couple hours from there. You should come visit, providing you are one of mis amigos and not some random tranny scanning blogs for invitations to meet in rural locations. Also, I'll keep all updated to travel plans via this blog. First trip: Oct 20-23, San Francisco 23-25 Vegas??? That's what I'm thinkin. Gotta visit the old stomping grounds in SF (mostly McTeague's Saloon) and Vegas for a couple bday parties.


No comments:

Post a Comment